What a Wonderful Relationship! Sexuality in MarriageWritten by Hillary Keatley
‘Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.'
Song of Solomon 8: 6 NKJV
Marriage is designed to be a lifelong conversation between two people that connects them on physical, emotional and intellectual levels. The husband and wife know that even though they might be good individually, they are so much better together (because of the different levels that they connect on).
Far- fetched? Absolutely not! Great connection and communication can build a great marriage.
For those quiet communicators among us, there is good news: the different ways that couples communicate in marriage allows for them to also be heard. The different levels that couples communicate in also help in this regard.
Communicating well between the covers is something that is very attainable. Dr. Christo Scheepers and Dr. Dainty Shaw discuss this in their book ‘Between The Covers’. They talk about how there is a sexual freedom that can be enjoyed through the bond of a Christian marriage.
For some time now the counsellors at The Sanctuary Soul Care Centre have been working with married couples, helping them to enjoy good communication within their marriages. Two counsellors in particular - Peter Bell and his wife Lee Ann - will be unashamedly discussing the topic of Sexual Fulfilment in marriage at our workshop on the 6th of May (2017). They have counselled numerous Christian couples (over and over again) towards a sexually fulfilling relationship. The Bell’s remind us that God intends this area of marriage to be a source of joy and refreshment.
In the words of Lee,
“God created sex for marriage and said that it was good! So why do so many married couples struggle in this area?”
“The subject of sex is being discussed, filmed, blogged about, advertised, sung about and publicized all over the world, but if God created it, then why does the church remain quiet on the issue?”
“As believers, who are confronted on a daily basis with a perverted view on sex, we need to go back to the Word of God and discover His original intention so that we can live in the fullness of the plans He has for us.
It will be great to listen to his couple as they comfortably discuss this area of sexual fulfilment in marriage and the questions that people have often wanted to ask but have been too shy to express.
There was recently a survey done to find couples who felt that they were happily married. These couples were then asked to give their reasons for why they were happily married and the top three reasons were:
They have a generally positive attitude towards their spouse and they view them as their best friend
They are married to someone who cares about them, who is concerned about their well being, who gives as much or more than they get; who is open and trustworthy. Also, they are not mired down in a somber, black outlook on life
We basically agree about aims and goals in life but we want to make our marriage work. AND. we are able to LAUGH a lot.
One of our counselors, Merrlyn, sums it up this way, “for a good marriage you need to be best friends with love and respect.”
It begs the question: why do some marriages break down? They can break down because couples grow apart over time, and there is often a lack of communication and understanding between the two people. Another big factor that plays a part is when the husband and/or wife stop working at the relationship. However, it is not inevitable.
Marriage is valuable enough to invest in, even if there may be a lot of work to be done. It is worth acquiring the necessary tools/skills and also deciding to make it work. There are people around who can help in difficult times/challenges in the marriage. Our counsellors are only a call away.
Hilary and The Team