“Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him.” Psalm 127:3

This makes it clear that children are to be looked upon as a blessing, not an inconvenience. They are a reward and a gift. But they are the hardest job you will ever have, but also the most rewarding you could ever ask for.

What is our aim as a parent?

Most of us want to grow good, stable, mature and happy individuals.

Mothers tend to lean towards the confused anxious angle and fathers toward the sceptical side. Our only yardstick is their behaviour and so, of course, when our children behave in a manner that we feel is not ideal, we tend to think it is the beginning of the end. Our children are generally very normal, and we as parents are often genuinely astonished when they turn out to be quite normal in the end.

Ordinary children are very peculiar creatures as we discover as parents when we live with them. Other people’s children only look better from the outside, I promise.

Living with children is an interesting occupation, and trying to maintain our balance and theirs will keep us on our toes for quite a few years. There is no exact correct way to treat them; we cannot let them do just as they please, for we have to be able to live with them, but neither can we expect them to do everything that we demand.

When we understand they sometimes do not listen or are determined to do what they want, then we get nearer to a happy home which is the best home to live in.

What do children need?

Children only need to know that they are loved and safe.

How do we do that?

• Love them honestly and ensure their love tank is filled.

• Firm and honest boundaries.

Both of these concepts have become what we could call buzz words. But I do believe that if we develop these love languages and boundaries as habits in our homes and lives they become a way of life and make our homes and relationships with our children and families happy, strong and safe.

Remembering our children need to develop into emotionally mature adults. If they do not develop emotionally they cannot be successful, no matter how well they achieve in other areas of their lives. Emotional intelligence is what carries us through life.

Understanding Your Child’s Brain

At birth many parts of the brain are not yet functioning fully. The rate of growth is most rapid before birth and between the ages of birth and 3 years. Your child’s brain grows by 90% in their first year.

The brain is the command centre of the human body. A newborn baby has all of the brain cells (neurons) they’ll have for the rest of their life, but it’s the connections between these cells that really make the brain work. Brain connections enable us to move, think, communicate and do just about everything.

The early childhood years are crucial for making these connections. At least one million new neural connections (synapses) are made every second, more than at any other time in life.

The early years are the best opportunity for a child’s brain to develop the connections they need to be healthy, capable, successful adults. The connections needed for many important, higher-level abilities like motivation, self-regulation, problem solving and communication are formed in these early years – or not formed. It’s much harder for these essential brain connections to be formed later in life.

Starting from birth, children develop brain connections through their everyday experiences. They’re built through positive interactions with their parents and caregivers and by using their senses to interact with the world. A young child’s daily experiences determine which brain connections develop and which will last for a lifetime. The amount and quality of care, stimulation and interaction they receive in their early years makes all the difference.

The Power of Relationships

A child’s relationships with the adults in their life are the most important influences on their brain development. Loving relationships with responsive, dependable adults are essential to a child’s healthy development. These relationships begin at home, with parents and family, but also include child care providers, teachers and other members of the community.

From birth, young children serve up invitations to engage with their parents and other adult caregivers. Babies do it by cooing, smiling and crying. Toddlers communicate their needs and interests more directly. Each of these little invitations is an opportunity for the caregiver to be responsive to the child’s needs.

This “serve and return” process is fundamental to the wiring of the brain. Parents and caregivers who give attention, respond and interact with their child are literally building the child’s brain. That’s why it’s so important to talk, sing, read and play with young children from the day they’re born, to give them opportunities to explore their physical world, and to provide safe, stable and nurturing environments.

Children who experience more positive interactions in their early years go on to be healthier and more successful in school and in life. Unfortunately, the opposite is true as well. Poverty, exposure to family violence and lack of access to quality early learning experiences can negatively impact a child’s early brain development and their long-term success.

Stages of Development

Between the ages of 3 and 6 their brain development slows down slightly, but not much. What you have told your child up to the age of 6 is all reality to them. They cannot differentiate between reality and fantasy yet. They have learnt all the “basics” for life.

Between 6 and 12 there is a much slower rate of growth and the 3rd six years even slower, although accelerated in some ways by puberty.

Some children, of course, are above, and some below, average. Maturation takes place spontaneously, while learning takes interest and effort.

Every little person is different. I believe as parents we need to just help them “get through it” rather than try to fix everything that bugs us as parents.

Every Season Has a Purpose

Everything is a season, some better than others.

When parents come to me with their little one’s traumas or problems, they often will say they can’t wait for them to grow so that their problems can go, and as I gently tell them, the problems don’t go, they just grow bigger as your children grow bigger.

And yes they do, but it is an opportunity for us as parents to grow too, and often we need to adapt our attitudes too, rather than, “Oh, look at this problem,” but rather say, “We are grateful we are here to see our children through this crisis.”

The Lasting Impact of Our Words

One thing I do know is that we often hear people say, “My mom (or dad) always told me…” So know that what we are telling our children at young ages sticks, even if it does not seem to at the time.

So these young ages and these young children are such an important time. And as parents, it is a huge responsibility, and we need to be kind to ourselves in realising that this job we are doing is important, is God given and we need to make it relevant and count.

We want our children to know that we are their landing spot. We are always there for them, and we would rather they came to us with their questions than ask their mates, and that if they are in trouble we are their safe place.

— Tandi Greenberg